This weekend was a difficult one for me. It’s always tough when I return to London after spending two weeks with my family and friends back home. The distance it takes me to get there, and the six or so months I have to wait to see them again, sometimes makes my first few days back a bit emotional. There’s usually a week of adjustment that I have to endure. And during this time I usually question what I’m doing with my life. Why do I wish to live here so far away from my family? What’s my life purpose? What lies ahead for the next six months? Am I really where I want to be in life? You get the drift.
This particular adjustment period was also different in the sense that Mark was away for most of it, and thus for the first time in a long time I’ve spent two days alone. All by my lonesome.
I’ve always been one to appreciate my own company, and have never really felt any loneliness. I never feel particularly anxious at the prospect of spending time alone. In fact, I usually welcome the opportunity. But I was really grateful to spend some quality time today with my lovely friends Anna and Riccardo (in my old neighbourhood no less).
Being in their home and in their company really lifted my spirits. It made me realized how important it is to surround yourself with people you cherish, especially if you’re not quite feeling like yourself.
The other thing I realized – and this may sound morbid or ominous but bare with me – is that if I died tomorrow, I would have died a happy woman. I think it’s really important to say this out loud, because you never know what the future might hold, and sometimes you don’t get the chance to tell people how you really feel.
When I question what I’m doing in life and why, there’s inevitably a bit of doubt in my mind as to where I am versus where I want to be. But to be able to confidently say I’m happy with how far I’ve come, well, that feels good to me.
P.S. I know a blog doesn’t count as an official, legal document, but should anything happen to me ever (knock on wood), please donate my organs. K thanks.